I am a passionate, and empathetic person, and though I realize that these are admirable qualities, I also feel I'm constantly challenged emotionally. Last night, I told Steven something in confidence about one of my great friends: that I recently found out this person is gay. My friend has not come out to anyone else and it hurts me to know how much this person is truly struggling right now. I actually can feel with my friend and empathize with her/him, so while my friend is struggling, I am too. Steven does not know this person, and I told him in confidence about the situation because, as my partner, I need him as a teammate and I have to be able to share things with him and expect comfort and support in return. His first reaction, though he thought it was a good response and was trying to be accepting, I felt was full of judgment. Since I am so compassionate, I got very upset and found it difficult to control my emotions. I think there are a few reasons: one--I really care about my friend and empathize with how she/he is feeling; two--if Steven is going to be my partner, I need him on the same page as me, so when he isn't, I get extra upset; three--I'm committed to social justice and truly passionate about the issue of homosexuality, so when I encounter judgmental sentiments, I get really upset and my heart aches for the LGBT community.
So two things: 1. do I need to control my compassionate and empathic emotions? I don't like that some things can trigger such a a strong emotional reaction, but at the same time, if no one felt strong enough about these issues, how are society's prejudicial sentiments going to ever change? How will the chains of oppression be broken? 2. I need to find ways to control the way I react to other people's ideas and feelings. I am trying to be open-minding and accepting; but when I am offended by what someone says, I have a difficult time controlling my emotions and my reactions. I feel obligated to confront someone when I feel offended or judged, or when someone I care about is offended or judged. And with this situation especially, since Steven is someone I really like, I felt really hurt by what he said.
....any suggestions? am I making any sense?? ugh..
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2 comments:
omg-I just typed the hugest comment, and then deleted it because I wasn't signed in. UGGHHHH.
Ok, so, my comment was, It's ok to disagree. Your dad and I do not agree on everything, or at least 23 years ago we didn't. You're a very passionate person, you wear your heart/emotions on your sleeve. You just have to keep in mind that it's ok for your partner not to agree with you 100% all of the time. In saying that,you each need to be respectful of that with each other. I know what you're saying,about feeling like you should both be on the same page, but you can still agree to disagree. As long as it's done tactfully and with some sort of respect and regard for each other's feelings. Sometimes I just don't bring up certain subjects, on the other hand, sometimes situations arise and things change, people's opinions, points of view, or maybe compassion. You are who you are, as grama sandy says, "she's just such an alicia!". I hope this helps a little, and doesn't offend, but you wouldn't want to start having doubts or 2nd thoughts about someone before you really get to know them better as a person--not just by certain points of view. Get to know him better as a whole, sometimes the little things won't stand out so much then. Believe me, not everyone is perfect and not everyone will always agree with your beliefs, points of view and standards of life, but it would be unfair of you to think of them as any less of a person because of the way they happen to live their life. Make sense? Love you xoxox
mumma
mumma, first im sorry for just responding now. and second, i read this right after you posted and it made me feel a lot better! i do need to understand that people have different opinions and values and i should react so rash at the drop of a pin. its a good opportunity for us to talk about these issues, and its ok if we dont agree. thank you for your encouragement and support, it really helps me!! love you, mummmaa!!! xoxoxo
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